You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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