wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i now understand why vodka
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
