I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
