You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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