Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
