the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
