I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
