i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize