Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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