you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize