i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
