marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
