good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
