i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
