nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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