I'm so fucking centered right now
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
