Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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