remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
