Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
