i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
