He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
