Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
