whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
