I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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