I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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