Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize