His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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