She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
