What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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