so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
