The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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