The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
