My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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