Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
