He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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