this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
