Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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