dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
