i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
