I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
