I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
