I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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