we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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