I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
