Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
