Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
