I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize