I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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