That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
