cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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