We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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