maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize