Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
