If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
