...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
