She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
