dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
