Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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