a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
