there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize