My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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