Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
