Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
