I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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