How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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