That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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