grandma shit on top of the toilet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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