is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ugly people sure do ruin things
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
