we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
