Apparently you make a good broom.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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