she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just high enough for therapy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
