I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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