guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
