My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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