I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
should my penis look like a turkey
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
