Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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