dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
