wanna go halves on a baby?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
