fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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