I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
