I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
