he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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