You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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