She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
